Friday, April 14, 2023

Astrocast Flashes: Bug-eyed Monsters and the Women Who Love Them


Astrocast Flashes originated as a way for deep-space attendants to stay entertained and connected to the rest of humanity while stationed in isolated space stations. With limited bandwidth and transmission capabilities, long-form entertainment and communication were simply not feasible, so they had to come up with creative ways to share stories and experiences with each other.

At first, Astrocast Flashes were simple messages or updates sent out by individuals stationed on different space stations, sharing news, jokes, and personal stories to stay connected with one another. However, as technology improved and transmission capabilities increased, Astrocast Flashes began to evolve into short, pithy stories that could be broadcast across the interstellar gulfs in a matter of seconds.

These stories became popular among deep-space attendants because they provided a brief but welcome escape from the monotony and isolation of their lonely jobs. The stories were often imaginative, exciting, and filled with wonder, transporting listeners to other worlds and sparking their imaginations.

As more and more people began tuning in to Astrocast Flashes, they became a cultural phenomenon, inspiring a new generation of storytellers and deep-space enthusiasts. Today, Astrocast Flashes are a beloved tradition among deep-space attendants and continue to captivate audiences with their short, thrilling tales of adventure in the depths of space.

Have an Astrocast Flash to share? Contact Because of interstellar bandwidth limitations, stories must be kept to 500 to 750 words.

Bug-eyed Monsters and the Women Who Love Them
749 words
By Cora Buhlert

Captain Crash Martigan of the rocket scout squad was on patrol, protecting New Pluto City and its inhabitants from bug-eyed monsters.

Of course, bug-eyed monsters wasn't their real name. No, the creatures had a long and official Latinate name that no one could remember nor pronounce. So the colonists took to calling them bug-eyed monsters, because that's what they looked like.

For reasons only known to themselves, the bug-eyed monsters had started attacking New Pluto City, killing the men and kidnapping the women. The attacks had gotten out of hand, which was where men like Crash, true heroes of the new frontier of space, came in.

The cockpit alarm chimed. A bug-eyed monster was near. Crash landed his flyer, popped open the canopy and jumped out, looking very steely and manly in his gleaming silver spacesuit.

He took his electro-binoculars and scanned his surroundings. And then he spotted it. A bug-eyed monster – a particularly ugly one with long, sucker-laden tentacles – was molesting a dame. And not just any old dame either – not that there were old dames in New Pluto City, considering the maximum age for female colonists was twenty-six. No, this was a particularly fine dame with golden curls, luminous alabaster skin and a curvaceous figure swathed in a clinging gown of red silk that the bug-eyed monster was about to rip off her shapely body.

Crash activated his jet pack and raced to the rescue. For whenever there was a dame in danger, Crash would be there to save her like the dashing hero that he was.

By now, the dame had swooned in the tentacled embrace of the monster. Crash could hardly blame her. After all, women were known to be the weaker sex and this particular bug-eyed monster really was damn ugly. 

He took a closer look through his electro-binoculars and realised that he knew this dame. Her name was Geraldine Carmichael and she had been newly transferred to New Pluto City to work as a biologist or psychologist or nurse, some womanly profession at any rate.

Geraldine had already caught Crash's eye, for she was a true looker. So far, she had studiously ignored Crash and rebuffed his advances, but that would change once he'd saved her from the slimy embrace of the bug-eyed monster.

Crash landed on a rock outcropping overlooking the spot where the monster had dragged poor Geraldine.

He drew his atomic blaster. "Let go off her, fiend!"

"Eee-yip?" the bug-eyed monster said, which Crash decided to take as a challenge. 

Geraldine said nothing. She was unconscious, after all.

Crash fired his blaster, hitting one of the monster's tentacles.

"Eeee-Yaaah," the monster screamed and let go off Geraldine.

For a split-second, Crash feared that Geraldine was a goner, which would be a pity, for she was such a fine dame. But then she stirred and sat up, shaking her golden curls and pressing a slender hand to her forehead.

"Uh, what… what's going on?"

"You were attacked, Miss. But have no fear, for Captain Crash Martigan is here to rescue you."

Behind Geraldine, the bug-eyed monster was stirring, its slimy tentacles reaching for the hapless girl.

"Eeee-yuuup," the monster wailed.

Crash raised his blaster and aimed at the monster. "Begone, blackguard." 

He was about to shoot, but then Geraldine stumbled into his line of fire.

"What are you doing? Why are you threatening my boyfriend?"

"Your what?"

"My boyfriend," Geraldine repeated, "This New Plutonian here is my boyfriend." 

She reached for the creature's tentacle and patted it with her slender hands.

"Eeooouuh," the monster moaned.

"This… this thing is your boyfriend?"

"Yes, he's my boyfriend," Geraldine repeated for the third time, "His name is Eee'chuk-chi'up and he's not a thing."


Geraldine sighed. "Yes, I know he doesn't talk much and what little he says I don't understand. But he's a rocket in bed, if you know what I mean?" 

She winked at Crash, still stroking the monster's appendage.

"Can you imagine how much pleasure all those tentacles and suckers can bring a woman?"

Crash couldn't imagine and he didn't want to either.

"But I… I thought you were in danger"

"Well, I'm not. And now be a good boy and scoot. Patrol the perimeter or whatever it is that you guys do. Cause…"

She continued stroking Eee'chuk-chi'up, who moaned in pleasure and began winding his tentacles around Geraldine's shapely body.

"…we'd like to be alone now, if you know what I mean?"  

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